He thinks I'm cheating! (Long)

by Chazbang Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:06 am

Here's one for you ladies.

Last night Lee told me he thinks I'm having an affair! He said that because I am not having sex with him I must be getting it elsewhere (he was totally serious!). Up until the week we had Evelynne I was a complete sex maniac. When I was breastfeeding I was on the mini-pill and didn't trust it so we hardly had sex (that and I was shattered all the time and just didn't want it!). I've been back on my normal pill for a few months but still have no sex-drive. Also, Evelynne's cot is still in our room because my brother is staying with us for a few months and I don't like doing it even if I know she is fast asleep.

I've lost count of the amount of times I have tried explaining that it's not personal to him, my sex-drive has gone because I have had his baby and to be patient. I keep reminding him that I have a baby and wouldn't have the time to cheat, even if I wanted to! I understand that he is a man and has needs but I don't want to have sex and I'm not going to let myself be pressured into it.

I have a male friend who comes round quite regularly. I don't even consider him to be that great a friend, but he was best-friends with my ex and enjoys reading and writing so I think he feels a kinship with me. He's an alcoholic and just turns up unannounced at my front door. He never rings to say he's coming or makes sure it's convenient. He drops in during the day when Lee is at work and it does make me uncomfortable because if it was the other way round (a female friend dropping in to see Lee while I was at work) I wouldn't like it at all (in fact, I wouldn't let it happen!) and I'm very aware of that. About a month ago my friend got drunk and went round to another of our friend's houses. He tried to kiss the girl who lives there while her boyfriend was in the living room and her 2 babies were upstairs. Ever since then Lee has been really paranoid (understandably so) but I know he would never try this with me because he'd get a kick in the nuts! I'm sure half the time he actually comes round to see Lee and not me. Anyway, I've told Lee that next time he comes round I will tell him not to visit during the day anymore. It doesn't bother me at all because he's not a great friend.

What else can I do? I don't want to have to have sex with him just to stop him accusing me.

xx

by Guest Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:30 am

Omg i could have written that, ive had no sex drive since kaelah was born and the amount of arguements we have had about me app cheating is unbelievable, ive told him the same thing ive just had ur baby give me a bloody break etc, men eh, tbh i still dont have a great sex drive unlike before i had kaelah.
Id just carry on saying what uve already been saying, because its the truth, tell him to look up lack of sex drive after having a baby on the net and see how many pages he will be shown!!!!!! so many ppl go through it.
I really had to push myself the first time after mason as there was a kinda wall where i was so used to saying no iygwim..
Show him this msg u have posted, if u were cheating why would u care to post what u have!!!

by Guest Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:30 am

Wanted to send hugs as well hun it does take a while but ul get there! I love you

by libbyfielder Sat Jan 24, 2009 2:59 pm

I think it is really common when you don't want sex for your other half to accuse you of having an affair after all it would be much to much for them to actually stop to think it could be a problem that they might need to deal with. Like Dee said it is really common for you to feel this way after having a baby. I think it could be worth talking to your doc about this as maybe the pill you were on previously is no longer right for you now and maybe affecting your sex drive. Saying that the circumstances you are living in cannot be helping either with your brother and baby so close by.

Keep us posted

Em

by Chazbang Sun Jan 25, 2009 5:42 am

We actually did it last night cheers

and it really wasn't that bad. Instead of thinking "oh no, here we go" I tried my hardest to relax and think of how much I used to enjoy it and it seemed to work. Needless to say he has been absolutely lovely to me today and walking arouond with a big smile on his face! lol!

xx

by LadyJo Sun Jan 25, 2009 5:47 am

Ah the male ego hey?!

Sorry I didn't reply to the earlier post. Seems like he was just feeling rejected after all?

Hope things get better.

If it's any help DH always "jokes" about me having a secret boyfriend and we don't have any nooky issues. He's just insecure full stop!

by KeyMonkey Sun Jan 25, 2009 5:51 am

I really don't know what to suggest as I was the other way around (just to be difficult).

As you have said however, having sex just to make him feel more secure isn't right. He should appreciate how you feel and respect that. However we all know that men don't think like this and just think about the old trouser snake!

Glad you had a nice time Smile